Nothing says love like a good joke. Take this one, for instance: For Valentine’s Day I asked Cupid for a million dollars. Cupid said, “Get real.” So I replied, “OK, I want a boyfriend.” To which Cupid responded, “Cash or check?”
What did the two rocks pledge at their wedding? To never take each other for granite.
Who’s Cupid’s favorite rock band? Heart.
Admit it. Even if you're booing internally right now, you're also likely laughing. That's what dad jokes are all about: Making us shake our heads while chuckling at the same time over groan-worthy one-liners.
To add a bit a humor to your Feb. 14 celebration, we've collected our favorite Valentine's Day jokes and romance-inspired puns that we're pretty sure will leave you head over heels this year.
In fact, you'll be positively swooning over these Valentine's Day jokes, corny gags, knock-knocks and bad-but-oh-so-good ditties for kids, adults, couples, coworkers, friends and everyone else in your life.
Use one on Instagram as a V-Day caption, or break out one of these short-but-sweet jokes while watching a classic rom-com to score a few laughs of your own.
Whatever the occasion, there's never a bad time for a good laugh, and trust us, we've got plenty of 'em right here. So, whether you're spending Valentine's Day flying solo, with your fellow Galentines or cozying up as a couple, read on for the season's best heart-shaped ha-has.
Valentine's Day dad jokes
- Why do tennis players make the best spouses? They know everything about love.
- Why was the cook arrested on Valentine's Day? She was caught beating an egg.
- What do you call an army of baby Cupids? An infantry.
- Why are only girls born on Valentine's Day? Because there's no mail delivery on holidays.
- For Valentine's Day I asked Cupid for a million dollars. Cupid said, "Get real." So I replied, "OK, I want a boyfriend." To which Cupid responded, "Cash or check?"
- My girlfriend said she wanted a fairy tale relationship. So I left her in the forest with a loaf of bread.
- One did one squirrel say to the other? "I'm nuts about you."
- Why shouldn't you marry a pastry chef? They're known to be desserters.
- Are you a bank loan? Because you got my interest.
- I heard a joke about chocolate candy bars. It wasn't very funny. But I still Snickered.
Best Valentine's Day jokes
- What did one tangerine say to the other on Valentine's Day? Orange you sweet?
- What did Han Solo say to Princess Leia on Valentine's Day? Yoda one for me.
- What did the two rocks pledge at their wedding? To never take each other for granite.
- What did the omelet say to the toast on Valentine's Day? You're eggs-actly my type.
- Why can't deer kiss? Because they have buck teeth.
- Are you the internet? Because I'm feeling a connection.
- I was wondering why my feet got cold. Then I remembered you knocked my socks off.
- What did the magnet say to the fridge? I find you so attractive.
- Did you hear about the wedding between the sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
- What's the best way to get a date for Valentine's Day? Look at a calendar.
- What kind of dinner does Cupid eat? A heart-y one.
- What do astronauts say to their sweethearts? I love you to the moon and back.
- Who’s Cupid’s favorite rock band? Heart.
- What’s Cupid’s favorite candy? Hershey’s Kisses.
- Why was the ghost sad on Valentine’s Day? He didn’t have a boo.
- Why does Cupid like lettuce? It’s got a heart.
- What did one pig say to the other? Don’t go bacon my heart.
- What did one plate say to the other on Valentine’s Day? Tonight, dinner’s on me.
- Did you hear about the two radios that got married? The reception was amazing.
- What’s a bread loaf’s favorite song? “All You Knead is Love.”
- Did you hear about the spider wedding? Yes, they’re newly-webs.
- Did you hear about the vampire wedding? It was love at first bite.
- What did the grizzly say to the panda? You are beary special to me.
- What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
- What do olives say to each other on Valentine’s Day? Olive you.
- What did the graham cracker say to the marshmallow? I love you s’more and s’more each day.
- What did one whale say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I whale always love you.
- What do you call it when two boats fall in love? A row-mance.
- How did the telephone propose? With a ring.
- Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef? They'll dessert you.
- What did one tomato say to the other on Valentine’s Day? I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
Valentine's Day puns
- How do astronomers propose on Valentine's Day? They planet.
- What did the acorn say to the tree? I’m fallin’ for you.
- What did the thread say to the needle? I’m sew into you.
- What did one yardstick say to the other? We be-long together.
- What did one lamp say to the other? You light up my life.
- What did one banana say to the other? You’ve got appeal.
- What did one flea say to the other? You’re dyna-mite!
- What did one toad say to the other? Never frog-et how much I love you.
- What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
- What one cantaloupe say to the other? You’re one in a melon.
- What did the latte say to the espresso? We are meant to bean.
- What did one popsicle say to the other? You make me melt.
- What did one recliner say to the other? I chair-ish you.
- What did one hotdog say to the other? You’re a real weiner!
- What did one light bulb say to the other? I love you watts and watts.
- Why did the astronaut couple break up? They needed space.
- What did the purse say to the handbag? I never want to leave your side.
- What did one puzzle piece say to the other? We fit together.
- What did one scientist say to the other? We’ve got great chemistry.
- What did the pasta say to the tomato? I love it when you get saucy.
- What did one sheep say to the other? Ewe complete me.
Valentine's Day knock-knock jokes
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Daryl. Daryl who? Daryl never be anyone like you.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mary. Mary who? Mary me, I love you.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Bee. Bee who? Bee mine.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Kenya. Kenya who? Kenya be my Valentine already.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Beak. Beak who? Beak careful with my heart.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Fur. Fur who? Fur you, I’d do anything.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dough. Dough who? Dough you wish it was Valentine’s Day already?
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Mustache. Mustache who? I mustache you to be mine.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Love. Love who? Aw, love you too.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Teddy. Teddy who? Teddy is Valentine’s Day.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? Butter together than apart.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anita. Anita who? Anita tell you that I love you.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peas. Peas who? Peas be mine.
Keep the laughs coming all year long
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Sarah Lemire
Sarah is a lifestyle and entertainment reporter for TODAY who covers holidays, celebrities and everything in between.
